Things get clearer...

Well it's coming to mid year and really this year hasn't been quite fulfilling but things seemed to be getting clearer in the decision that Mommy should take in the months and year(s) to come. It's never been unfamiliar to those around me and those reading this blog that there's always a great struggle to work or stay home with the kids. 2 years back, I took almost a year off but once again I went back to work. At every juncture that I considered this, there were always distractor that came in my way, with career looking all bright and rosy. In fact, the previous time was a serious temptation as it was an interview for a definitely higher post for my age that I even asked my superior if they had identified the wrong person. Nonetheless, I gave it up coz I didn't want to regret losing my time with the kids or wear a hat too big for myself. Yet, I was just not willing to submit to God to stay at home and look after the kids. I fought to just go back to the ground and God blessed us with a 3rd (the key reason I want to be back at ground too) who sadly left us just before I returned. Yes, I'm probably not ready then for a 3rd as His plan is always higher than our plans.

By this point of time last year, the same thing bugged me. Not that work was taking a lot of my time, also issues in the family over caregivers, the children's development. I've contemplated halfload or three quarters load. I spoke to many, weighed the odds, explored alternatives. Yet my superior surprised me with the intent to appoint me a role. Tempted again, being such a goal getter and perfectionist, I went with the flow. Guess many out there must be wondering why such indecisiveness, why such turn of events, why say one thing and yet do another. I guess it was only the self to blame, for wanting to prove myself I could do it. However, events this year both at work and at home, just revealed that it was probably not God's way. He gave us again yet another little one about the time we lost the last. There was just no peace at work with issues cropping up at home, hearing what my kids say and how they behave. Probably, my standards are just high. Literally I'm so drained most times that it was my hub that's doing all the housework. I must thank God for him for being so hardy, longsuffering and understanding.

Staying home doesn't mean all the above will be resolved. Staying home doesn't guarantee my kids will turn out perfect nor geniuses. It's probably going to be more tiring than working and it would mean all at once dealing with three at a go. Reordering of routines, expectations and most significantly halving the household income. One thing it's going to be a journey…."Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6                                                              
Staying home will not be glorious like some are with maids and cars where there's probably more me time. Might even consider supplementing the household income with my only skill from home. However, it's a constant reminder that "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor 12:9